I Wish I Had A River

Originally published on The JOLT News on December 2, 2025

“It's coming on Christmas, they're cutting down trees. They're putting up reindeer and singing songs of joy and peace. Oh, I wish I had a river I could skate away on.”  

 Without revere for melancholy, or personal experience with deep hardship and grief, Joni Mitchell’s “River” does not resonate or feel festive. 

The holidays can be bittersweet for people who have experienced loss (in whatever capacity), health crisis, financial hardship and other challenging circumstances. In the midst of the overwhelming holly and jolly, we must be mindful of every person we come in contact with and be sensitive as graceful to the “Scrooges,” “Grinches,” and all other “Humbugs” who might actually just be misunderstood.  

Are you longing for that river to skate away on? I know just the place for you this holiday season and beyond. 

 Death Dancer is a community group that makes “creative and sacred spaces, hostingarts and cultural events, group activities, and workshops that discuss death, dying, loss and living.”Their websitealso mentions how Death Dancer “fosters community, provides end-of-life education, awareness, and advocacy to inspire a harmonious life and death.” Every group meeting has a creative element that allows people to explore grief through creating art.  

After multiple conversations with founder Jennie Beth Banks, I really have come to understand the beauty of the work she and co-curator, co-facilitator, and co-leader, Rebecca Leach, are doing.  

I invite you to let the community be your river, not as a means of escaping your pain, but finding a way to make peace with it, heal from it, and let it inspire the art you create.  

 Keeping it real 

None of the important work happening at Death Dancer would happen without the efforts of Banks and Leach. Both women are certified death doulas, and are very kind individuals with comforting countenances that immediately make you feel safe and welcome. Banks and Leach are also very authentic and allow their life experiences to enhance the work they do.  

In 2021, Banks experienced carbon monoxide and gas poisoning, along with B6 toxicity, and had several occasions where she felt like she was dying. Moments like these force you to confront mortality and find a way to cope. Banks allowed her reflections and experience with helping loved ones through death, and living with her own chronic illness (ME/Chronic Fatigue Syndrome), to really flourish into something wide reaching and beautiful.

Banks began working on a documentary a few years ago that features professional death experts, alongside testimonies of numerous individuals from around the world. The Death Dancer community continues to work on thisfilm projectto this day. I look forward to the day when this important work premiers.

Alongside the documentary, Banks also began to create mixed media art pieces related to Death & Dying, Loss, and Living. This led to a co-curation with Leach of an art exhibit for the Fall Olympia Arts Walk in October 2024 and 2025.  

Leach had the honor of helping a friend through her end of life journey in 2017, and that led to her helping more people and ultimately getting her death doula certification. Similar to Banks, she brings her personal and professional experience into what she does both for Death Dancer and her other advocacy throughout the community.  

Finding your river 

Death Dancer hosts monthly Grief Gatherings from 6:30-8:30 p.m. in the Guild Room at St John's Episcopal Church. The church is located on Capitol Way and 19th Avenue.  

See more info or RSVP on Death Dancer Grief Gathering website or contact them at info@deathdancer.org. See the Death Dancer website for other upcoming events including Death Stories Open Mic and Life & Death Art Club.  

 Upcoming grief gathering events include:  

 Monday, Dec. 8: Event attendees will talk about our feelings around the holidays and how we can include our loved ones in our holiday experiences.  

 Monday, Jan. 12: Event attendees will talk about the light and good qualities of our loved ones and how to bring them with us into our next/new year. 

Regardless of where you find yourself this holiday season, remember that you are never alone. We are so fortunate to live in a county that offers such a wide range of community activity, including this Death Dancer group.  

 If the story of Death Dancer speaks to your heart, I invite you to make a donation. Your generosity will allow this group to continue to support our broken hearted neighbors and create safe spaces for authenticity and vulnerability, which we need now more than ever.  

https://www.thejoltnews.com/stories/i-wish-i-had-a-river,27242