007: On Her Majesty’s Secret Service

Originally published January 21st, 2022

I tried to go into it with an open mind…BUT

The first 5 minutes are really strange: classic Bond shooting intro, a minute of monotone conversation (and you're thrown in the middle of it), car chase, and then dramatic beach scene. All in that order. The tone shifts often and it's hard to follow.

The script throws you in the middle of a story and not in a cool mysterious way, but in a legitimately confusing way. Within the first half an hour, I had to read the first couple paragraphs of the plot synopsis on IMDB to know what was going on. I referenced the article multiple times. Ironically enough, the plot synopsis reflects the scrambled nature of the plot that is trying to be too many different things (including a Christmas movie ironically enough). This film was also boring for being so excessive in plot and minutes. This movie had five great opportunities to end, but it took the sixth.

Also, If you think Bond wearing a kilt is weird, try the rest of his wardrobe… It's not bad, it’s just not Bond.

The fighting scenes were gimmicky, using quick and short action shots to supplement for real fighting….kind of in a comic book style.

So here is the thing … George Lazenby as James Bond was okay. In general, he was arrogant…arrogant without cause to be. Awkwardly arrogant. Nothing beats when he calls himself “old dog” while looking in the mirror…hilariously awkward. Personally, I side with the theory that he was fired from the franchise…not so much because of his performance, but that his performance couldn’t top Sean Connery’s. He was better than Brosnan though. The bad script also significantly contributed to this.

What I DID like about this film was the love story and how it was narrated by none other than Louis Armstrong with his “We Have All the Time in the World”. All their scenes were SUPER CUTE. The film did also have good lighting, clever cinematography and set design, great color scheme, and a cute dog.

All things being said, the best way to describe this film is that it mimics a midlife crisis.